One year ago today.

One year ago today we all lost a very special man. He was the most generous, giving, loving, kind man I know. His heart was truly made out of gold, and he never turned down an opportunity to help someone.

This man was my friend, my confidant, and my Father.

I will always remember how he took care of my mom and I, I never had to think twice about something I needed done, I would just mention something and he would take care of it for me. After I had Storie and she was in the NICU he took care of me every day. I had to get up ever night to pump, and every night my dad would get up, get my stuff ready and wake me up. After I was finished he would clean and put everything away while I went back to sleep.

My dad and I were very close. We always had a great father-daughter relationship but these last few years when we were both home all day we really bonded. I don't think I could truly describe the awesome relationship we had.

He was my daddy and I was his princess. He couldn't say no to me either, to say that he was wrapped around my little finger would be an understatement :)

He was such an awesome man, and honestly, I am still dealing with anger that he was taken from us so soon. I don't know if the thought "why couldn't it have been someone else" will ever leave my head, because I still think about that every day.

I am so happy that my daughter got to spend 8 wonderful months with him, and I am so happy that I get to tell her how much he loved her. I can't wait to tell her about the nights after she came home from the NICU that she wouldn't sleep, and he would stay up with her all night rocking her and talking to her.

I am so sad that she won't ever remember him, it's not fair that she has to miss out on having such an awesome Pops.

I am so sad for my brother, who hadn't seen him in years, and for his two boys, Preston and Stephen, that never got to meet him.

I'm so sad for my sister Sabrina, who never really got to know him. They had such a short time together and my dad so adored her. I'm so sad for her husband Dustin and daughter Sydney, they never knew him, and he would have loved them both to pieces

I am so sad that my future children won't get to meet him, that I won't have any memories of them spending time with my dad.

I am so sad that my mom has had to spend the last year alone. I am so sad that she went from being truly in love with her husband and expecting to be with him for years and years to come, to one day being told that he isn't here anymore, and isn't coming back.

I am so sad that I can't give my dad a hug anymore. I am so sad that I can't tell him about my day. I am so sad that he can't tell me about his day. I am just so sad.

But I am happy that he is not in pain anymore, that he is in heaven with Jesus, having a blast!

I just want to say thank you to my mom who is always there when I need to cry or talk about him. I don't have to hide my feelings from her, and if I want to spend an hour just crying she is right there crying with me. I don't know the pain she has had to endure, losing a father and losing a husband are two very different things, but this has brought us closer together, as a mother and daughter, and as friends. I love you mom.

I also want to say thank you to my husband, who has been there for me every night when I can't stop crying. Who remembers him with me, and will talk about him with me all night long. Thank you babe, for Never telling me to suck it up, I love you.

And God, can you please tell my dad that I love him, with all my heart.